We're like a lot better than the average bears
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
