Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Randomize
