"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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