White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
