I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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