Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
