He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
