last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
