dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
