nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
