My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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