Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
