I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
