Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
