I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
