lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
