Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
