His pubic hair was longer than his dick
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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