I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
