I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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