I CAN MOONWALK!
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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