my shit smells like andre
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
