Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
