what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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