I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
she pinky promised me she was 18
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
