YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
