Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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