dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
