after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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