I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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