I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
