the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
