Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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