yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
