So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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