giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
