I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
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I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
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Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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