I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
