you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Randomize
