Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
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I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
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Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm both gender and math confused
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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