there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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