if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
