that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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