I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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