I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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