i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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