You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
