Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
