are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
