It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I want to be your penis for a week.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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