Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
