she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
