Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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