This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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