I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
