i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
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we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
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I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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