Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
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