At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
