I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
