i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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