Duck Duck Cougar?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
