He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I love having hate sex.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
