My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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