hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
