it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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