you turned your livingroom into a bong?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
