Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I have tasted many bathrooms
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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