2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
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